I burn inside to unleash my heart on the page...  but i fear being accused of having no discretion, so I refrain.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Currently Listening Raising Sand see related

flutters and kicks

With Child and Feeling Like a Child

I am with child.  I should be smiling from ear to ear.  But I'll tell you the truth:  I want nothing more than to crawl back up into my mother's womb and let her take care of me.  I am feeling very incompetent right now.  How can I bring a child into this world when I can't even take care of myself or my husband.  I seem to lack that vital bit of self-discipline that successful people have.  I don't keep the house clean.  I don't keep food on the table.  Embarassingly enough, I haven't even removed my own clothes off the floor and out of boxes and suitcases from moving yet.  Now granted, I work full time and I have been experiencing morning sickness 24/7.  But, why can't I buck up anyway and accept my responsibilities and be like my mother and her mother before her...

This is when I wished I lived in my hometown.  I could stop by Mom and Dad's.  They would feed me food that I could stomach right now.  You know, real midwestern food like meatloaf and mashed potatoes and corn and greenbeans.  Mom might even make me a few casseroles to freeze.  My sister could come over and watch movies with me when I'm feeling nauseous and tired.

But here I am.  I'm in the face of my whole world changing, and all I can do is vomit.  I need people right now.  I need help.  I'm pretty sure that everyone is too busy, except for my mom and dad and sisters.  They're all in Ohio, though.

Gone and Gotten Sensible

Currently Listening The Crane Wife By The Decemberists see related

french bull dogs & french fries (accompanied by bacon and cheese)

My husband and I just bought a house next to a Rottwieler (or is it one t two l's?).  I suppose that shouldn't be the first thing I tell people when i'm talking about the house we just signed for yesterday.  I think I just want to lay it out on the table.  Purge myself of any negative thoughts about the biggest financial decision I've ever made.  Also, half of the backyard is paved.  Yes, p-a-v-e-d.  And yes, we paid more than we wanted to for the house.  Ah, it feels good to get it out.  On the way home, we wondered if we had made a mistake.  We felt a ever so slightly sick to our stomachs.  I don't care if that's normal or not, that's just how we felt. ( I hope my husband doesn't mind me telling you this.)

Now I can tell you what I am excited about!  It's an older home in a decent neighborhood surrounded by other old homes with lots of "character."  You know - cape cods with hardwood floors, big front porches, etc...  maybe still having really old appliances, ugly kitchens, and bathrooms with the clawfoot tubs (which are so awesome!)  However we found a relatively small house - for two stories- with 3 bedrooms, 1 and 1/5 bathrooms, remodelled kitchen, new cabinets, gutted and remodelled bathrooms, finished hardwood floors, a fireplace, and a big front porch!  I think it'll be a really fun project also to figure out what to do with the yard.  We want to plant boxwoods going down the sides of the front sidewalk leading to the porch.  Maybe we'll either have the pavement broken up and removed from outback or make a cool patio-garden type of thing.  I only hope the rotweiller doesn't get loose.  But hey, at least we know our patio stuff won't get stolen...

On to the french bulldog thing...  Holly Martin e-mailed me and asked what animals will be accompanying our new house.  I've never heard anyone ask about pets that way before...  i laughed.  she said that she longs for a French Bulldog.  Something else...  Green Leafe Pub's(in Williamsburg) french fries baked with cheese and bacon beat Ruby Tuesday's fries any day.